Career advice

I have for a while, or maybe more or less all the time, been wondering if my education and later if my PhD-thingy was the "right" thing for me to do. I guess all, or at least most, people do this - go over their decisions to make sure they have been made correctly, be it work, wife, lifestyle, house etc. Most of the time my question of education, and then later PhD, has come back with a positive answer, that it is all fine. When I fell ill, 2 years ago now, I questioned everything - all answers were first "I don't care at all", and then a while later when I had recovered a tad, the answers were negative. This was obviously due to the depression. One after one all the answers were starting to get semi- to fully positive answers, I liked my apartment, I loved my family and friends, I liked living in general, etc.

My PhD/work is the only thing I have questionned, that so far is still kept active, but of which I am not at all certain is what I want to do. Now, I am not sure it is the right thing, but obviously I am not sure it is the wrong thing either. I just don't know.

As I see it, there is a spectrum from:
* my uncertanty could be solely rooted in the depression, i.e. the depression caused/causes the uncertanty. It is hard to go back to work after such a severe state, no matter what the work is. It takes time, and probably a lot of doubt is involved along the way.

...to
* my working environment (with or w/o a personal factor) caused (entirely or partially) the depression, hence I am now unsure this specific working environment (with its stress, pressure, unstability, unstructure etc.) is a wise place for me to strive to come back to. And also, maybe partially or entirely what makes it so hard to come back to work.

Hence, maybe it is all the depression causing the doubt in me about my job, and when it finally receedes fully, I will love my work again. But since I am still doubting, still 2 years after the outbreak, eventhough most other things have sorted themselves out, and I am feeling much better, I think it is in place to start to think about what else I could do but a PhD in neuroscience.

I went to the city library today, and the guidance center. I looked through some brochures of gardening, garden center work, flower growing, garden planning etc., and was inspired and felt a sense of lust, albeit vague. I collected all form of courage and greeted the woman at the reception. She told me to sit down and asked me a couple of questions, like what I had done before. I felt unstable, and like crying. She explained that she had no qualifications in helping me make the most of my undergraduate education, but if I wanted to get into something completely different, she could assist me. We scheduled a time next thursday at 1 pm for a meeting. But she said my institution should have some guidance, how I had put so much time/money into my undergraduate education to just throw it away. I felt my eyes welling up. She asked me if something had happened at my work place, why I didn't like it. I welled up even more, and felt my nose start dripping. I sniffled something about how it was stressful and how I wasn't sure if I enjoyed it as much as maybe necessary. She repeated the time we had decided, and I quickly rounded up my stuff and left crying. Quickly searching my bag, I found my sunglasses, put them on, and laid down on the lawn in the park outside crying. It is too emotional for me to talk about, I am too fragile right now. I fear I will skip the set meeting, being afraid to start crying again, not being able to talk about it for a complete hour, not having been able to sit down talking about it for even 3 minutes today.