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My sister and I have been hanging out tonight, and been discussing a topic back and forth a bit, and realise we need help to solve the issue. We need to find out how (if) other people experience / and think around the topic of discussing various aspects of sex with a close family member. I will take you through the unravelling of events in a chronological order, so you get to see the whole picture, and hopefully get a spontaneous feeling, and let me know about it.

It all started last monday. Me and my sister had since the previous thursday had decided to go to a nice sex gadget shop in Malmoe (nearby city), mainly directed towards women (female store person, and mainly more "female" products). We went there, bought some nice things, did some other shopping, had an ice-cream and went back home.

Tuesday. I was talking to my boyfriend, and he asked me if I didn't feel embarassed to go to a sex shop together with my sister. I very much did not feel any such thing, so I was interested from where his question came. He let me know that he would have felt very embarassed to such a place with his brother. I know he himself is not embarassed to go to such a place, from own experience having gone together with him, and being sure he has been alone as well. And also, I know his two closest friends have on at least two occasions given him sex-things (last time a candy G-string...), and at the New Year's party together with these two close male friends of his, we discussed sex in detail very openheartedly. So apparently it is only something he would feel with his brother, but not with a girlfriend or a male friend. Only a brother.

Today. While having the ice-cream with my sister (my second for the day, thank you very much), she told me that her, what should I call him... intimate male friend (IMF), had actually been surprised as well about the fact that she had gone to such a place with me, her sister, and that we spoke so openly and freely about sex together. So it did not seem like something he would do with a brother (or sister?), and then probably not something that he had heard from other friends either.

I am intrigued.

1. Do people in general not discuss sex with a brother or sister? Is it only brother-brother relationships where sex is not discussed, or also normally not in sister-sister relationships either? How about in a brother-sister relationship? What is your experience?

2. If discussing sex with a brother/sister is a taboo for you, do you think it is like this for the same reasons as sex-talk with your parent(s) is so horrible and gives you the chills, i.e. a fear of getting mental images of parents having sex? And for the more evolutionary interested person; do you think this is a remnant from being supposed to feel nausea in the context of sex and family, to avoid inbreeding and enable better outcome of your gene spread?

It is just sex. What's the fuss about?

Brotherhood

I miss my cat. I have dreamt loads of different dreams over the past three nights Cute Cat has been gone, all containing him to some extent. I dream a lot these days, due to my medication giving me lots of short 'wakeups' while I am sleeping. And it is all about him. Him, Cute Cat. Him being cute, running away from me, me finding him, him playing, him charming someone else etc. Him, him, him. I was not prepared that getting a pet, my Cute Cat, would fill myself with so much consideration, consern and caring. But I am such a sucker for him. I haven't seen him since monday evening, and I hope to see him on sunday again. But of this I cannot be sure. I will be out of town during the two upcoming weekends too, and the time and money it takes me to go back and forth to my parents' place with him, I am not sure it is really worth it. Each return trip, from my door and back, would take approximately 4 hours, and cost me around 20 USD/15 Euro. But money and time, what is that in comparison to being with him? But really, I am not sure he would appreciate those hours spent on the train.

He is the cutest
Likes to scratch my arms and legs
I love him so much

Biting and meowing
Who could pull such a thing off?
But my own Cute Cat

No inspiration
I need him to be with me
He is my wee muse

But I know other passengers will appreciate it. Are you all familiar with the concept of the 'Dog Trick'? How you pick someone up/get someone to talk to you by being outside by walking your dog. I pull that off, unintentionally, everytime I take him on the train. People come up to me and let me know how cute they think he is, ask what breed he is, ask how old he is, how much he weighs, compare him to tigers/panters/leopards, ask how much he cost etc. I am glad Cute Cat doesn't understand human communication to that extent he could overhear all the conversations I have about him. Then he would be constitutively on extremely high horses, with no intention ever coming down. I guess like all cats are really.

When in doubt...

To me, many things are a mystery. I guess "mystery" is the New Age person's way to explain something he or she does not comprehend, to compare with the scientists "spontaneous", or the religious persons "God". So, to be less evasive; I just don't understand some things. Sometimes it is things about other people, but most of the time I don't understand myself or my own reactions.

Today I was sitting listening to my brilliant colleagues scientific presentation of her entire work during the past 3 years, followed by a very good 30-minute discussion conducted by the opponents' questions. I was very impressed by my colleague, she has done some very nice work, and she did an excellent job putting it forward to the audience, and answering the questions. Sitting there listening to the questions made me very confused. I was so happy I wasn't the one getting the questions, because I felt so many times that I just couldn't have been bothered coming up with an answer to them. As you know, as in many other lines of work I am sure, there are plenty of questions that do not have an answer. During the discussion part, the opponent asking these questions are aware of there not being any answers to the question, but he/she still asks them just to evaluate how well the student can speculate and come up with various more or less well based theories about how it could be. 'Cause let's face it, being a scientist is 5% about knowing, and 95% about being able to formulate the strategy, and using it, trying to find an answer to a very specific question.

But I felt I got really annoyed when these obvious no-answer-questions were put, and as I said, happy that it wasn't me that was expected to come up with an answer. I just couldn't have been bothered. I don't want to prove myself worthy, and knowing how to reason in the "right" way. What worries me is the following: does it mean that I should try to find some other career to pursue, and give up this science-stuff? Is it maybe not the right thing for me? Or is the "boredom" felt when faced with the no-answer-questions just an expression of my lack of interest for things in general? And is this lack of interest due to whatever is left of the depression, or is it just me feeling it, or people feeling this in general? I don't feel like perform well when pressured to do it. When I feel someone is testing me, I lose interest and don't want to continue. I am your typical anti-competitive person, are there others too? I spend quite a lot of time wondering/worrying about if "science" is "my way" to go, or if I should do something different instead. Does this mean that I should stop doing what I am doing (since I doubt my interest), or is it just ordinary doubt and worrying everybody feels at some stage? I like to think about my research (and others') on my own, and I like to perform well at my job when no pressure is put on me, and I do my job well. Does that mean I should continue?

I am in doubt. And when in doubt, blog (the same goes for all other feelings in the spectrum too of course: happiness, anger, grief, lazyness...). I wish Cute Cat was here to comfort me.

Sneaky

It is pretty late now, a bit past 10.30 pm, but the skies are still light. I really enjoy the summer, especially the part about it getting dark after 11 pm, and starting to dawn shortly after 2 am. It is just brilliant with lots of light, eventhough I sleep most of this night-light time. I guess I could have enjoyed it even more if I wasn't so blinded by all kinds of light (even the weak light from my computer leaves a mark on my retina, so I can still see it when I close my eyes; medical side-effect). But thanks to my new visor (thanks Arlen for the knowledge of the word), and my new huge sunglasses, I still get to enjoy being outside simultaneously as the sun is.

My mom painted me the very very nice picknick basket a couple of years back. It smells so nice, and is really special to me. I hope to get to enjoy it several more times this summer, for a lot of spontaneous trips to everywhere and nowhere. It seems someone else really wants to come along too...

NEWS UPDATE

I break all other inputs of interest for this very important Cute Cat news update. I have travelled by car the 90 km from Lund to my parents' place, and was happy to arrive around lunch time, when having had to listen to the cats screeeeaming synchronized for 45 minutes (although trying to cover up the worst with a Depeche CD). Upon arriving I let the cats roam the garden for something like 2 hours, with the door open into the house to allow them to enter whenever. And just now they did, due to rainfall. Mild, but still.

I go back to taking care of my cake I am cooking for my parents' arrival, when hearing loud noise-making from upstairs. I just assumed the two of them having collected energy outside, now had started fighting eachother. After a few minutes of non-stop noising, I went up the stairs to check out the racket. When seeing Cute Cat on a shelf with a toy in his mouth, snarling at his brother whenever he is trying to approach. I just shook my head, and turned to return downstairs again, when stopping in my step. Was that really a toy in his mouth?

I looked again, it was a bird. A swallow. In a firm grip between his fangs, looking all wild and excited. The bird however, looking rather petrified and unable to move in the firm grip, moving only the head slightly to (I assume) trying to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I thought for a second over how I would be able to kill the bird, then thinking again that I put the trust in my Cute Cat to finish the job properly. I went downstairs, opened the door, and called my sister to brag (obviously!) about my cool cat. Cute Cat slowly walked down the stairs, a firm grip over the bird's wings snarling at his brother following him. Outside on the porch he either gives up on the grip or loses it... and the bird flies away.

Do you think I am kicking myself over not having brought my camera?

The passion of goats

It is my strong belief that the summer has finally started. Not only the calendar summer, but also the meterological summer. I base that on two things; firstly, that it has been possible to see the sun the last two days, and secondly, a strong general wish from my part that the summer should be here. My balcony, or I guess rather the plants on it, are already starting to go berserk, without actually having grown a tenth of what I expect them to. It will be interesting to see how the experiment goes. I have cultivated lots of seeds in my small green house... or green cupboard is probably more correct. I have put almost all of them in the pots on my balcony now, and trust me, it is full! It will be a terrific summer, I'm sure.

My parents are out of town, or well, out of the small collection of houses where they have their own house. I wouldn't call it a town, since the place where they live hold about 500-600 people, and they live about 1000 m from this small place anyway. So outside a smallsmall town. Anyway, my parents aren't at home. So they needed a kittysitter (my very own construction of someone taking care of somebody else's cat, compare: babysitter). And I was the natural choice to kittysit their Obidobi, since his brother is here, and they have a heck of a time together normally. And this time is no different. They are just crazy, on the expense of my flower pots, my sleep and parts of my sanity. But thankfully, my parents did not only give me their cat to watch over, but also their car. Moahahaa! So I can flee the premises when needed, and let the cats reign the place on their own.

Yesterday, me, my boyfriend and my sweet sister took the car and went to Kulturens Östarp. It is a part of the Culture Museum here in Lund, but situated about 20 km east of the city. There are two original farm houses; one from the beginning of the 20th century, and one from the end of the 19th century. You can go in to the houses (with a crooked posture), see their tiny beds and their nice wooden rooms. They also use parts of the fields in current agriculture, but with old methods (using horses).

Foremost, they have goats. I love goats. My dream is to have a farm house on the countryside with Cute Cat, all his babies and lots of goats. Since I had Cute Cat emasculated the dream has had to be revisioned a tad, but the goat-part is still intact. Just look how cute they are, this mom and her son. And you can do tricks with them, getting them to stand on their rear legs to reach the straws you are offering at higher levels etc. And they make cute sounds, and are nice to cuddle with (presupposed your avodiance of the horn-bit).

Enjoy the picture, the summer, and get ready, 'cause tomorrow is the National Day of Sweden, and this year it is a public holiday for the first time! (I will celebrate by working hard though)

I just couldn't help myself...

... I had to give you an update about exactly how cute Cute Cat is at the moment.

Bruised and battered

I am not sure it is fully possible to appreciate the level of bruising my body is featuring at the moment by just looking at this picture. But I hope it can give you some idea at least (the lower dark thing is not a shadow...), together with the following text. The bruising on my arm is due to a very strong and aggressive boyfriend, during the boxing-class we were at yesterday. We were taking it in turns hitting eachother and holding the boxing pillows (mitses). I really got into it. Was hitting like a maniac. I was so tired at the end after some kicking, and my blood flow was redirectioned to my thighs, so my field of vision was joined by annoying black edges. But it still felt so good!

But that was yesterday.

Today. My body is sore. My right arm is so bruised and aching, my triceps and the muscles in my back/stomach are all very painful, as are my hamstrings. If I put my arms straight out, my hands are shaking, that is how tired they are. After the boxing class we also took a yoga class, which might have been a bit over the top, but that's too late now. I better lick my wounds and get some good rest, next thursday we go again!